Puns, Puns Everywhere...

HOORAAAYYYY!!! I have a little bit of time before I have to cover Jeff's shift at work today, so I thought I would post and see if Ashley and Emily died from the surprise of it. Tada!
   First of all, I feel like Emily missed an important picture of her, Ashley, and I when she did her last post. So here it is:

   Second of all, I did this post primarily for the fact that I really love puns and one-liners, and I wanted to show all of you the stupid things that I find hilarious. Ashley and Emily have already, of course, found out through many random texts from me just what I find funny. So has mom and dad, but not to the extreme with which I bombard Ashley and Emily, mostly. Here is an example of the things I do to Emily:

  So there's that, right out in the open for you guys. In all reality, it was while I knew she and dad were facetime-ing (horrible spelling, get over it), and I just wanted to make her laugh for no reason. I am just so rude sometimes.
   I really do enjoy puns and one-liners, though. I really really do. So here are some of my favorites:

-Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents!
-The cannibal was frustrated so he threw up his hands.
-Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines.
-I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
-Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you?"
-Killed a hipster. Now he's just somebody that I used to know.
-Why was the magnet getting the girls? It was attractive.
-My friend David recently lost his ID. Now we just call him Dav.
-A chicken was murdered yesterday. The investigator thinks there was some fowl play involved.
-Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, I hope there's no pop quiz.
-A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
-There was a fight in the candy store, two suckers got licked. (HILARIOUS)
-Organ donors really put their heart into it. (HAHAHHAAAAA)
-I though I was drowning in soda, but it was only a Fanta Sea.
-The best way to strike up a conversation with a fish is to drop a line.
-A will is just a dead giveaway.
(This one is one of Emily's favorites:) -Call me butter, because I'm on a roll!
-There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.
-My wife said she's getting fed up of my constant guitar puns. I told her not to fret.
-I'm in a band called 'The Waist Measurements'. We're really big in America.
-I wanted to be a cardiologist but I didn't have the heart.
-How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
-My friend is a midget comedian. He is a little funny.
-I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something. (zing!)
-What do you do when you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler.

And one of my absolute favorites:
-Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder!

BHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!!
Come on, I know you guys found at least one of those funny. So laugh. Laugh and laugh and laugh. Tell them to your friends. And I challenge you to find one that I haven't heard before.

This really is all I'm posting about here. I apologize, but this is all I have time for. But hey, I still posted. So no more getting mad at me! Sheesh!

I love you all, and have a WONDERFULLY punny day.
xo-Caite